“Corpse Juice” and Other Creepy Foods!

It happens every Halloween —  blood-curdling photos of chicken feet “clawing” their way out of bowls of festering broth.  Organ meats such as heart, liver, kidneys, sweetbread, tripe and the “naughty bits” are other traditional foods valued for their high “creep factor.”

It’s a grave mistake though to consider these nourishing foods too creepy to eat.   Traditionally, families honored the animal by eating all edible parts of it.    “Nose to tail” eating was the frugal thing to do, and people instinctively knew that organ meats  fostered good health.   As for bone broth from from the carcass, it’s long been the ticket to healing anything that ails us.   It’s even been called “Jewish penicillin” and in South America said to “resurrect the dead.”

Truly frightening is the millions of people caught in the web of the bloodsuckers at Big Pfood and Big Pfarm.   My motto is “If it’s got a label don’t eat it” because most foods that require labels have truly creepy ingredients.   Far too many creepy products to name here, but here’s my top nominations:

  • Trans fats.    Partially hydrogenated in Transylvania?   No, here in the USA.   But I expect Count Dracula’s blood is now polluted with them.   Could be that’s drained his life force so much that he has only enough energy to drink the “fast food” of people with high blood pressure.
  • Undead Burgers.   Witness those internet pics of a McDonald’s “Happy Meal” that shows no signs of decomposing after months of sitting out.    Clearly no need to ask, “Want flies with that?”
  • Caca Crispies.   Proposed name for pet kibble, livestock feed and fish farm rations in which soy protein is mixed with animal doody.   Slogan should be “Snap, Crapple and Poop.”
  • Count Chocula — and other breakfast cereals from the dark side.  Call them “Cereal Killers.”
  • Ghoul Aid.   Preferably readymade, packaged and instant in Lemon Slime Flavor.
  • EdaMummies.   Chocolate-covered green soy beans.  Wrapped up in smug health claims.
  • SPLBLBLBLBT!   That’s a rude raspberry to raspberry candies.  Dunno which is the creepiest ingredient — the high fructose corn syrup,  blood red dye, or the anal secretions from beavers.
  • Ice Scream, including Viagra flavor.   Sold by Brits, but only to those over 18 who desire more than a stiff upper lip.   Call it Vice Scream.

Come November I’ll cook up cauldrons of bone broth from Halloween skeletons, and order up taste tests of broth made from carnivores and vegetarians.   The latter, after all, say they taste better.   Bone Appetit!


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